Eva begins her newsletter with a visual description of the sleeper’s journey to and from the refrigerator. It turns out that lemon-flavored sparkling water, marrow bones, and chocolate-flavored soy milk are her current cravings. She also suffers from odors in the house intensely. “I swear to you, pregnancy is a journey. Sometimes there is a little bit of agony.”

For example, Eva, who is currently pregnant, has trouble climbing long and high stairs at work. “When no one’s looking, I grab my boobs working my way up and down because they hurt so much.” That’s not the only physical ailment: “Nausea washes in waves, then hard, then wailing in the background again. I’m tired of dogs. Gravity regularly causes me to nap on the concrete floor with thin, not very fresh clothes. I’m so tired.” And I don’t care.”

Last Friday, Eva revealed to her GenkColleagues that she is pregnant. “My colleagues and I spend more intense hours together in a single day than we do with our families and loved ones, and they didn’t know the most important thing was going on in my life.” Having to keep such news quiet for so long touches something deeper with Eva.

Her period, tampons, her growing belly: the presenter feels she’s had a lot to hide in her life. She also refers to her crying on her talk show: “I think about all the times hormones colored my day, and how they made me more sensitive to other people’s grief, pictures of children, grief. How hard it was to withdraw. Whatever stops to suppress that, and make it manageable and broadcast.”

Eva continues: “I think of everything that women hide: abortions, infertility, the pain of diseases such as endometriosis, menopause. Normal life, so to speak.” She concludes by fantasizing about a daughter: “Maybe I’ll have a daughter now and she’ll grow up in a world where it’s normal not to hide normalcy anymore.”