Intelligent Design

12 years ago Comments Off on Intelligent Design

Whoa, who are you?

I am the Great Intelligence, I though you would have known.

Well, no. In fact, where are you Great Intelligence?

Everywhere! I design to be everywhere, or maybe by design I am everywhere–I think.

Everywhere, like everywhere?

Well evidently not in your dumb mind, but yes, everywhere.

Wow, like even in a rock?

Yes, everywhere. Thus, I resent you less intelligent beings saying that something is dumb as a rock.

So you are sort of the Ghost in the Machine?

That too.

Well how, Great Intelligence, do you get things done? You pull strings?

No strings attached, I just think and it is.

So you sometimes have bad thoughts.

Look dummy, I never ever made a mistake. Did you not here me, I am the Great Intelligence.

Well, how about Katrina, and all of those tsunamis? How smart were they?

I had nothing to do with them; they were the work of the Great Stupidity.

And where is he? Everywhere?

He is nowhere, nowhere man, anywhere. I am it. I think therefore I am.

Just a lot of thoughts rolling around in your Great Mind in the sky

No, the sky and all that rolls around is in my mind. I am not bipolar. I don’t think I am, if I did then I would be, I guess. But, of course, I don’t guess, I

think. None of that chance crap around here. But, well, things do seem to go wrong, I think.

Maybe when you are asleep.

Hey, you do all of this thinking all of the time, down through the ages, and you too could use a little shuteye, but I can’t take my mind off of anything. I got to

keep pulling the strings.

Great Intelligence, I thought you said there were no strings.

Well not natural ones, but even you dumb humans are getting on to string theory. I am just behind it all.

Chaos theory too?

Look, as Einstein said, “God does not shoot craps with the universe.”

So you are God, I am smarter than that. You would not see me getting my ass nailed to a … well that would not be very smart at all.

Well how smart are you, Great Intelligence? Could you be a member of Mensa?

I am the Great Mensa.

Well who do you stand around talking to at one of those Mensa cocktail parties?

I don’t talk. I just think and drink.

What do you drink?

The knowledge of life, of course, and I talk to myself.

In words?

No, thought control. Words are for humans and parrots.

Well, then why do I hear you?

You don’t you just think you do and I put that in your head.

I thought you already were in everything, even a rock.

Yes, even in a rock head, but some times I just tweak the gray matter, be it solid as granite of like that pudding in your skull. Hey, where you going, human?

I would have thought you knew. My prostate causes me trouble and I have to take a leak every fifteen minutes.

Yes, one of my less than brilliant ideas. In fact, I have to go as well, see you around.

Great Intelligence, you also have a prostate?

Of course, have you not heard that you were made in my image and likeness?

Great Intelligence, you are ribbing me.

Been there done that, but yes some of my jokes, like that rib story, are the smartest things that I have ever come up with. But, you will not laugh your butt off I thought of that.

Can you tell me another joke before I go?

Sure, Intelligent Design. Get it?

That is funny, I am laughing so hard I am going to wet my pants.

That is why I came up with depends. One of the smartest things I have ever come up

with. That is why you can’t laugh your butt off–we’d have nothing to hold them up.

I thought of that.

Sam Osborne