LeBron James: half-man, half-Jedi?

12 years ago Comments Off on LeBron James: half-man, half-Jedi?

For two-and-a-half years now, LeBron James has been the NBA’s golden boy. His dynamic driving ability and his patented dunks have been the source of countless dropped jaws.

Since his high school graduation, he has become both ridiculously rich and frighteningly influential in the sports world. He has been anointed as the undisputed sports icon for the next decade and beyond.

But that should all change rather quickly.

You heard it hear first ladies and gentlemen. The so-called King James is nothing but a two-bit fraud.

Not only that but he is quite possibly the most crafty con artist= of our time. His transgressions make Barry Bonds look like a boy scout.

However, the NBA has continually overlooked them because James sells tickets, and that is the bottom line.

Why hasn’t the public heard this complaint before?

The answer is simple. LeBron does not cheat in the traditional since LeBron does not use steroids or throw elbows. LeBron does not travel or take dives.

He is far too intelligent and too sinister for that. LeBron uses a sometimes subtle but always unstoppable entity that has become known to “Star Wars” fans simply as “the force.” That’s right folks, LeBron James is, undoubtedly, a Jedi. And I have reason to believe that he has turned or is in the process of turning to the “dark side.”

I first became aware of his deception a few months ago as I was watching “Sports Center.” LeBron drove the lane, went up for what appeared to be a dunk and just kept going. After what had to be about 17 seconds of hang time, he landed in a seated position on the top of the backboard and dropped the ball into the net. If you did not see this highlight, it could be because the NBA has gone to great lengths to keep you from doing so. If that was the only instance where he used his powers on the court, it might not be such an important issue.

However, as I began to study him further, I came to realize that he uses the “force” at every available opportunity. He levitates to the bucket from ungodly distances. He moves defenders out of the lane with his mind. And yes, as you may have guessed by now, he has used his Jedi mind trick on all of us, in hopes that we might not discover his secret.

What has become of the good old days? A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, Jedi used to use their powers to promote justice and further the universe.

Now, sadly, they are used to win basketball games and sign shoe deals.

The NBA has to put a stop to “King” James’ reign of terror. But they won’t take action until the public forces them to. It is up to you, the fans. What does LeBron have to do before you all realize? Must he average Kobe’s pitiful 81 points?

Perhaps a quadruple-double would do the trick. Open your eyes people and end this injustice!