Saskia never wants to rush together again: ‘I was the boogeyman’

Saskia never wants to rush together again: 'I was the boogeyman'

“He was the victim and I was the perpetrator, that’s how my friend’s son saw our relationship. This made living together very difficult. It almost cost me my relationship and it wouldn’t have made much difference if I returned to my old village. “I still feel homesick because of it. I don’t know anyone here and I feel completely alone. “We’re moving in together in such a hurry, I can’t recommend it to anyone.”

“Three and a half years ago, my then husband and I broke up. The cake was finished, we were living together as brother and sister, and that didn’t make us happy. We had no disagreements and no one else was involved, so the breakup was quiet. We could discuss everything well “And we didn’t bother each other at all. Our younger son went to live with my ex-husband, and the two older sons had already left the house. I continued to live in an owner-occupied house, where I was happy.”

Very much in love

“A few months after my divorce, I met Peter through social media. We started talking. I thought he was funny, and we had the same dry humour. It turned out that he divorced the same month he divorced me. However, things were fine. Peter was less In harmony with Peter. Everything went smoothly. His wife left completely unexpectedly from one day to the next without explaining anything. She got into the car of the friend who seemed to have been with him for a long time and disappeared. It is logical that Peter had been there very difficult.

We made an appointment to meet each other, but I confirmed that it was not a date. Just for fun and being able to talk together. I wasn’t looking for new love at all. When I first saw Peter, I instantly loved him and loved him. We had a very nice evening and socialized a lot. “And so something developed between us. We fell deeply in love with each other.”

“Peter and I lived an hour’s drive from each other, and we used to visit each other. That’s how I met his 21-year-old son Kees Jan, who lived with Peter. We also got on well.

Meanwhile, Peter’s ex-wife is running out of patience. She wanted money and demanded that their house be sold or that Peter buy it. But Peter couldn’t get the house in his name with just his salary. He panicked because no rental property had just been found for him. “And soon he will be on the street with his son.”

A broken family

“I felt so sorry for Peter, he was really going through it. Suddenly I saw an opportunity: I could sell my house, put equity in Peter’s house and buy out his ex-wife. We had been together for six months at that time. I chose love, very impulsive. That’s my personality.” Anyway: I always act first, then think.

But I had complete confidence in this step. I also come from a broken family. I had an extra father and an extra mother, with whom I had a very good relationship. This is what I had in mind for the Jan bag. “I didn’t expect any problems with him at all, otherwise I wouldn’t have started.”

“It soon became clear that the match between me and Kis-Jan was not good at all. He was used to complete freedom, I thought there could be more rules at home. Of course I did not interfere with his friends or anytime he came home after going out , but I will say something if he plays loud music in the attic or keeps running up and down the stairs at full speed.

Sometimes I would ask him to watch TV in his own room if Peter and I wanted to watch something else downstairs. “He didn’t like it at all, and there was friction.”

“I personally thought Kis-Jan was very lazy, and did nothing around the house. I never received thanks for the dinner I cooked every day. I also washed his clothes, but in no time his carefully ironed clothes were spread out in disarray.” All over the house, his room.

When he graduated and got a job, I suggested he pay some of the board’s expenses. He denied it. He said angrily to my face: He would rather give his money to a homeless person. The harassment and arguments increased, and I no longer felt comfortable at home.”

The situation is unbearable

It also meant that there were tensions in the relationship between Peter and I. He did not dare to take action against Kees-Jan and often put his hand on his head, because he was afraid of losing his son after he had been so wild for the first time, and had been abandoned by his ex-wife.

By the way, his ex-boyfriend started getting involved in the whole situation in our house, as did a number of family members. It became an untenable situation. Five months ago, Kiss Jan moved on after another argument.”

“To be honest, this is a huge relief for me. What I find very difficult about Peter is that he is no longer in contact with his family now. They are standing with Kiss Jan and his mother. Recently, Kiss Jan has gotten his own apartment where Peter visits him regularly.”

He is portrayed as a boogeyman

“It’s a very sad situation. And I’ve definitely learned from this. I’m not going to move in together so quickly again, only to be portrayed as a boogeyman. Especially if there are still kids living in the house, sometimes it can get really annoying.”

It would have been better if Peter and I could build our relationship quietly. It would have given him and his son more time to come to terms with the divorce and I could have calmly gotten used to their family. Then we could have tried to live together first, so that I could go to my house if necessary. “It all happened very, very quickly.”

“Many relationships would die under these circumstances, but Peter and I are still together. Whenever things were tough, we’d say to each other, ‘We’ll do it.’ We kept that in mind.”

I’ve been on the verge of packing so many times, but I’m glad I persevered. Our love is so strong. “I’m really happy with Peter, but I would have preferred a different start.”

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